Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
