smell my finger.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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