he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
