I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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