The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize