I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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