You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We are two peas in an std pod
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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