The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
