member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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