WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
