Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
