Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
40s are totally the cure
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
