Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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