How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
