Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
