he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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