You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
