my room smells like sperm. sweet.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
