Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
