I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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