im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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