Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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