My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
