thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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