I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
