he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
