11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize