I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So much rum. So many feels.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
