Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
