worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
