Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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