Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
