You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
