How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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