even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize