She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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