I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
