I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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