i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
