I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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