I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
