Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
