last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
