Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
