Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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