Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
