Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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