He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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