I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
