i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize