if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
