dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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