somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
