He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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