Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
