i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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