I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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