Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
