I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
