ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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