Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
