i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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