I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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