Apparently you make a good broom.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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