So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
