you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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