right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
