Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
