I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
