My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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