If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
