I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
