Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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