I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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