um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
