This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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