i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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