This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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