he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize