3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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