I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
