Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
