this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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