I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize