it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
