You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
