I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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