I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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