mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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