Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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