What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
