I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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