Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
