I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
