my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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