apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
