what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
