We won't sleep together?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
