fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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