A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
