I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
