Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize