maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
