I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Found the puke drawer
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
