just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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