can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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