Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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