is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
