I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize