I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
