she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Vodka?
Forever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
