This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
