FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I AM VODKA MAN
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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