and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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