Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize