I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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