everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
