Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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