Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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