i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
