i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
