I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
